[Editor’s note: The following post is by guest contributor Susie Y., a FEN volunteer who serves in the critical role of Coordinator. — KTB]
Of all the important roles filled by volunteers for Final Exit Network (FEN), the Coordinator is the first line of contact for all inquiries. When a person contacts FEN via the website or answering service, they can usually expect a call from a FEN Coordinator within a day or two, thus beginning a unique relationship that may be fleeting or may be long-term. In my role as Coordinator, my job is to listen discerningly, field questions, provide information, encourage, support, brainstorm, and try to help in any way I can. It’s not for me to judge as I process personal stories from those who want to have control over a peaceful ending.
The reasons for making that first call to FEN are as varied as the people who initiate the call. It usually involves chronic suffering or a recent, grim diagnosis. Some call on behalf of themselves, a spouse or partner, elderly parents, or, occasionally, an adult child. Some are desperate for an immediate solution to their predicament; others just want information for “some day.” Some are planners and some have made no plans at all, but everyone wants to know their options. Knowledge is power, and having autonomy over one’s end of life takes foresight and planning. We are not a crisis organization and do not operate as such.
As Coordinator, I listen carefully to people’s stories. Often, it is obvious what they want, and we quickly get right into it. I go through the FEN protocol of what they need to do to initiate an application for our services. This involves helping them figure out what paperwork to submit, followed with an interview by a different FEN volunteer. Then their paperwork goes to the Medical Evaluation Committee, where three physicians will review all the information and determine whether the applicant qualifies for provisional approval for Senior Guide assignment. If approved, a Senior Guide is assigned to work with the client going forward. This all sounds straightforward but the reality is that it can be quite a rigorous process that involves many phone calls and waiting for weeks to pull everything together.
Many callers are not seeking exit services. Some people just want to know more about FEN, like how to become a member or how to make a donation. Some want to know how we can help someone diagnosed with early-stage dementia. In recent months, there have been calls from people who are anxious about catching COVID-19; they often just want to talk and vent, and we share similar concerns. There are the worries about an elderly parent who has “had enough.” Some don’t want to go through our protocol of collecting their medical records, but they would still like some information.
Many callers are asking questions they don’t want to ask and may have considerable anxiety around the potential answers. Regardless of the circumstances, I try to “meet them where they are” and do what I can to address their needs.
I have talked to some of the nicest people as Coordinator. I may talk to some people only once because that is all that is needed. Others call me periodically to check in with their health updates. A few have even called to check in to see how I’m doing. Sometimes I have the opportunity to talk to spouses, siblings, adult children, and extended family.
The Coordinator and client develop an unusual relationship. It’s not exactly a friendship and yet it can be oddly much more than that. We may start out as strangers, but a unique bond is quickly formed. We “met” at one of the most difficult times, when a person is vulnerable and asking for help in facing the hardest decisions ahead. Our conversations are profound as we explore heavy thoughts that can’t be shared with most anyone. Pretty much, without exception, I am thanked repeatedly for listening, talking, helping, and not judging. I care deeply about these callers; I think about them a lot and wish them well. Coordinators connect to callers through our shared humanity, and we extend our compassion at a most crucial time.
Excellent description of what we coordinators do, Susie, as well as what we DON’T do!
What a beautiful service you provide. Thanks for this lovely article that gives the reader insight into your world/role.
The caller who is answered by Susie Y is lucky indeed. I loved her explanation of the relationship between potential FEN client and the coordinator as not exactly a friendship, but in some ways, more than a normal friendship. Her article made that so clear. Many thanks!
The work of the coordinators, through their interactions and relationships with people in need, is a huge benefit provided by FEN. Whether or not clients ultimately seek self-deliverance, the information and compassionate counseling they receive is of great value and should not be overlooked or taken for granted.
Thank you Susie for this excellent description of the coordinator’s role. I appreciate your acknowledgement of the importance of conversations with (potential) applicants beyond the nuts and bolts of the FEN process. Your empathy and compassion shines through your post. Thank you again.
Thank you for your explanation. I will need this in about ten years, due to failing kidneys and because my beloved wife Nancy died last December. We had talked through this and found peace and understanding between the two of us. Now she is dead and I am lost. People like Susie Y are a gift to people like me, the lost.
Very good, Susie!
Thanks for explaining your role, Susie Y. Very helpful to understand that first step.