(Editor’s Note: This is the first of a series of occasional posts featuring stories from members of Final Exit Network, originally collected for potential use for an online course on the right to die for the American Humanist Association Center for Education. Members were asked to consider two questions: 1) Why do you care about the right to die in general? 2) Why did you join FEN in particular? — KTB)
If people could only see what I see, many more would be onboard this movement. I am a volunteer end-of-life doula in a very well-run hospice. I sit and bear witness with/to people who are actively dying. The palliative care team does a superb job keeping most people at a balance between alert and pain free, but there are still some very hard, agonizing, slow, deaths. Yet what bothers me even more than imagining being in the place of the man who’s face is half gone from cancer and who cannot tolerate the morphine is watching those who linger day after day after week, after months, in a vegetative state. This is not what I’d call living a life of value. If ever faced with such and having the wherewithal to act, I (being of sound mind) demand my right to end my own life. I am hopeful that FEN will continue to draw attention to this vital human rights issue and affect change. — Craig Phillips
As a free-thinking, free person I am passionate about the basic human right of when to die. We all have to do it, when/where/how should be our own personal choice, whether we are in full facullties or in a bout of depression, it should still be our choice, no one elses. I never thought I might need help even though I’ve been through two different organizations training to become a exit guide, but now I find I do. Fortunately, I live in a right to die state and now I’ve had the dreaded diagnosis of pancreatic cancer so it will be sooner rather than much later. One door closes as another opens. — Diane Dunn
It was through the American Humanist Association (AHA) that I joined the Hemlock Society in the early 1980s. AHA gave a speakers meeting jointly with San Diego MENSA. The speaker was Derek Humphry, and the meeting was open to the public. At the age of 30, I appeared to be the youngest in the audience of several hundred. I was motivated to join after seeing the prolonged deaths of four close family members over three years. I believe that my life is effectively over when I cannot do the things that make it worthwhile to me anymore. It is my constitutional and human right to end my life if I am suffering and there is no hope for improvement. In other words, do the same for myself as I would for a beloved pet. Final Exit Network is the only organization in the USA that supports this, does not limit its guide services to only those with a six-months-terminal diagnosis, and will support the self-deliverance of those with degenerative diseases like Parkinson’s and dementia, or any incurable conditions that prevent one from living a meaningful life or one free of suffering. — R. Neumann
I saw my mother die a slow and agonizing death in 1973 from breast cancer. I was running up and down the hospital halls screaming for her to have more morphine! The medical staff comments were, “We can’t do that for 30 more minutes because it might kill her, or she might become addicted!” ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! She finally died a week later. I knew I never wanted that kind of drawn out death so I joined the Hemlock Society. I belong to both C&C and FEN now. — Jeannine Hasslacher
For decades, I have believed that it is cruel and inhumane to prolong a life of suffering, and that a compassionate, gentle, peaceful death, such as we provide for our beloved pets, is preferable. My journey down this path was, in part, begun by the book “Come Let Us Play God” by Leroy Augenstein, which my father, a United Methodist minister, brought home in 1969 from Garrett Theological Seminary. My own lifelong struggle with depression, as well as his death and that of others I loved after years of progressive illness, set that belief firmly. I don’t fear death; it can be a blessed release from the pain and suffering I do fear. My own diagnoses in 2016 of stage 3 cancer, heart disease, and stage 3 kidney disease have only made my interest in the legalization of physician-assisted deliverance more personal, and more immediate. Facing the fact that I may wish to avail myself of its services, sooner rather than later, is why I joined FEN. — Beverly Brown
My interest in the Death with Dignity movement was sparked over 20 years ago when completing my first advance directive after the sudden, but relatively uncomplicated, deaths of two friends brought me to a deep acceptance of my own mortality. The directive, no matter how specific I made it, simply could not guarantee against my experiencing the kind of death that I know I don’t want. Meanwhile, the then-new Death with Dignity law in Oregon showed that many of those gaps could be filled in. Over the next ten years I joined both Compassion and Choices and later FEN, the former for its advocacy of Death with Dignity laws and the latter for the even broader range of potential needs that it meets. I worked very hard on three Compassion & Choices campaigns to enact a Death with Dignity law in California, the last of which, in 2015, was successful. Meanwhile, in 2010, I had lost my wife to small-cell lung cancer in a very grisly way that defeated all the efforts of comprehensive hospice care. Ultimately, I dropped out of C&C but remained with FEN because FEN provides services in states with and without Death with Dignity laws, and its services can supplement those of standard DWD laws in quite horrible special situations regarding ALS, etc. My journey has been a series of pragmatic actions to ensure that deaths like that of my late wife have the least possible chance of afflicting me or anyone else. — Bill Pieper
If you would like to share your story, please send it to fenblogeditor@gmail.com. Thanks!
I believe these personal accounts are amazingly valuable to those who read them. They are helpful to me, and I am immersed in the work of Final Exit Network. Nothing is more convincing and reassuring than the experiences of those who have suffered themselves or have watched those they love go through the process of dying. The goal is for more people to realize that they have choices and some control over their end of life, even though all of us will die. Death is the one thing we can be absolutely sure of.
I am an 84-year-old invalid with multiple sclerosis who requires 24-hour care. I am a religious humanist, eager to sue for the right to die from a religious freedom and humanitarian viewpoint. I considered Kavorkian a saint. I was a Hemlock Society and FEN member, and I was applauded at the City Club when I asked the Oregon Medical Association president if he would just get out of the way if he wouldn’t help us when the Death with Dignity law was on the ballot. I have waited long enough for the laws to become reasonable. Must I FENd alone to fight for my right to die decently? I want an extended blood donation, then I can put my blood back in if I change my mind, otherwise I can donate my blood and body parts. Imagine all the dying Covid-19 patients who should have this right, right now!
A person’s fundamental right to terminate her or his life is denied to us by well-meaning, religious people. They have an erroneous belief that life is sacred because it was given to us by God and thus should be taken only by God. But they don’t realize that [many] preachers, seminary and church teachers teach only parts of the Bible. Followers fail to learn that neither God nor Jesus considered life to be sacred even though the sacredness of life is most believers’ primary justification for having laws passed outlawing PAS/PAD.
Believers have never heard nor will they ever hear, unless we tell them, that the estimated number of humans killed by God in the Old Testament
was over two million whereas the Devil killed ten. Nor do they realize that the Old Testament does not mention a burning Hell, the quintessential example of Evil.
Although our emotions usually have a greater ability to persuade than facts, this information about death in the Bible is both factual and emotionally compelling. I suggest it should be a necessary prelude in any discussion about our rights if we are to successfully change the opinion of those who would unjustly deny our right to a calm, painless, planned death at a time and place of our choosing.
I greatly appreciate these personal stories about what motivates my colleagues at Final Exit Network. They validate the importance of our work and make me proud to be associated with such compassionate and courageous people.