Below is another in a series of occasional posts featuring members of Final Exit Network who told us why they care about the right to die in general and why they joined FEN in particular. Care to join us? We would be delighted to share your story with our readers, even if you’re not a FEN member. You do not need to be a “writer” — I’ll help you with grammar, spelling, etc. We just want your story. Contact me at fenblogeditor@gmail.com. — Kevin Bradley, Editor
My focus is not terminal illness but other situations where dying is related to or accompanied by dementia. It is costly and grueling for everyone around you, and leaves loved ones with memories of you that are horrible. At pretty early signs of dementia or illness like cancer (when I am older than 70 and past Stage One), heading toward death, I want to be able to control the dying process. I appreciate all efforts by FEN to support this, and in particular make clear what means are available to accomplish it. — Mary Carpenter
I started riding horses at age 3 and for most of my 78 years there have been horses and dogs in my life. I rescued these animals many times and sometimes putting them down was the kindest thing to do as their age, physical condition and spirit were beyond repair. I wept at every grave, but I knew they were now running free without the shackles. I knew each time that was what I wanted for me when my age, physical condition and spirit created for me a broken and helpless body. Every living creature should be allowed to die with dignity. I met cancer for the first time 23 years ago. I was 55 and not ready to die. I got the available treatments and won. I saw my children finish college, get married, have my beautiful grandchildren. I retired and traveled; I bought a 15 acre farm and cared for horses for 12 fantastic years. Two years ago cancer returned and this time it is an aggressive one. So far, I have been willing to do the chemo, the radiation, but the body is getting tired of fighting to come back and the mind is chemo fogged. I have seen death from heart attacks, accidents, and cancer. Cancer is not kind as it makes the body suffer longer than I would ever want. So, this year I bought the book How to Get the Death You Want. I joined FEN and have done all the paperwork to ensure that my family will not have to search for anything. I love the book, I’m Dead – Now What! As I fill out the pages, I make wisecracks so the children can laugh and remember what their mom was like. I have had the “end-of-life talk” with all three of my wonderful adult children. All are in agreement that mom can go out the way she wants. I am trying to gently talk to the younger grandchildren about death so that it is seen not as bad but the letting go of this mortal coil. I am thankful for the states that have offered death with dignity. My state is not one, so I am thankful for FEN. Today, I am “no evidence of disease”, but from what the doctors tell me, it may only be for a little while. However, I am not troubled as I know there is help when it is needed. — Faye Gregory
Our present culture of people wanting to live as long as possible is not sustainable. It should be changed ASAP to give a more full life to the younger folks. We should learn to say, “I’m done” when life is not fulfilling. Make this an honorable choice. — Joe Selvaggio
I have been an RN for over 40 years, half of that in hospice. I have seen people suffer needlessly. I have also had 4 dogs and held their paws as they were euthanized with dignity. Why can we not treat each other with as much compassion as we treat our pets? Physicians are accorded a kinder death. FEN is on page, supporting people in a choice that is theirs to make. Options. World view. — Debbie Molnar
During my lifetime I’ve often had to fight to assert my individual choices in the face of social pressure and outright repression. I fully support all aspects of death with dignity. Nothing could be more natural for me. I respect the work to legalize medical aid in dying, but without an organization like FEN the work is incomplete. — Helen Fujii
Our constitution states that our inalienable rights are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Choosing when to end your life should also be a right. That choice is certainly encompassed in the concept of liberty and the pursuit of happiness. I joined FEN years, ago but even before I became a member I believed in the principle of the Hemlock Society. It is so annoying that people can make choices for you based on their beliefs. I believe that everyone has the right to choose their own course and to be tolerant of what others choose. — Lois Wexler
For the last eight years of her life, my grandmother was in a nursing home, wishing that she didn’t have to continue living. That’s why I care about the Death with Dignity movement. I’m a member of Compassion & Choices, but I joined FEN because it’s more progressive regarding the circumstances under which a person should be allowed to die on their own terms. — Charles Beall
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So wonderful to hear people’s true feelings. This is the best way to change the culture … talking about it with thoughtfulness.
Reading these wise and compelling stories from my fellow FEN members makes me proud to be associated with them and grateful for their courage.
I totally agree with all of these stories and the comments below. I, too, joined FEN years ago and am proud to be a member. I also have been living with and fighting cancer for all those years as best I could. But when the day comes that I can’t anymore, then I am comfortable and at peace in the knowledge that help is there for me and I can choose when to end the suffering when it gets unbearable and I have no quality of life.
Thank you FEN for all you do and for being there.