(Gail Rubin, The Doyenne of Death®, is an award-winning author (A Good Goodbye: Funeral Planning for Those Who Don’t Plan to Die, Kicking the Bucket List: 100 Downsizing and Organizing Things to Do Before You Die, and Hail and Farewell: Cremation Ceremonies, Templates and Tips), a public speaker known for using humor to make end-of-life discussions easier, and the coordinator of the Before I Die New Mexico Festival. — Kevin Bradley, Editor)
Over the past 10 to 12 years, a growing number of movements have sprouted up around the world to help people discuss their mortality. Some of these movements have pivoted to hold events online during the pandemic. It’s a conversation many are not comfortable with having. You can help get the conversation started in your community. Join in these virtual death discussions, as a participant or a host!
Death Cafes www.DeathCafe.com
The first official Death Cafe was held by Jon Underwood in London in September 2011. He was inspired by the work of Swiss sociologist Bernard Crettaz, who held Cafe Mortel events in France, where people would come together to eat, drink, and discuss death. As of April 2021, more than 12,400 Death Cafe events have been held in 78 countries around the world. Online events started in March 2020.
Death Cafe is a social franchise. To be called a Death Cafe, events must be held on a not-for-profit basis, accessible to all, respectful of different opinions, and confidential. Speakers are not allowed to sell products or services, or to direct participants to a particular conclusion or course of action.
By following these guidelines, you can call your online conversation a Death Cafe. You can also connect with local Death Cafe hosts to be involved in their online events. If you hold a Death Cafe, list it with the organization so they can keep their numbers updated.
Reimagine End of Life Festivals www.LetsReimagine.org
Reimagine festivals were first held in person in San Francisco and New York City in 2018, with thousands of attendees at hundreds of free and paid events. The events included art shows, film screenings, theater performances, speakers, field trips, workshops, panel discussions and concerts.
The nonprofit organization behind Reimagine End of Lifedstarted online death discussion events in May 2020. These ongoing online events seek to virtually replicate in-person events. You can sign up for free to hold events as a collaborator and participate in events.
Before I Die Festivals
First held in the U.K. during Dying Matters Awareness week, Before I Die festivals came to the United States in 2016. Like Dying Matters and Reimagine, these festivals offer a range of outside-the-box activities to help people learn about, discuss, and plan ahead for end-of-life issues.
Hundreds of people have participated in events in Indianapolis, Louisville, Albuquerque, and other New Mexico towns. Online events were held in Kentucky and New Mexico in 2020. These included virtual panel discussions, behind-the-scenes video tours (such as a funeral care center), online theatre and film presentations, and other creative online events.
Depending on pandemic conditions, events in 2021 may be a hybrid of in-person and virtual events. The fifth annual Before I Die New Mexico Festival will take place October 30 to November 2. Virtual events will take place via Zoom, and in-person events will be held in Albuquerque. FEN is participating in this year’s festival, with Althea Halchuck, FEN’s surrogate consultant, as a speaker. She will answer questions about advance directives and empowering surrogates to help dying people.
Here are links to the Before I Die Festival in Kentucky and the Before I Die Festivals Facebook page.
Dying Matters www.DyingMatters.org
In 2009, the British National Council for Palliative Care set up the Dying Matters Coalition to promote public awareness of dying, death and bereavement among the citizens of the United Kingdom. The National Health Service England and Hospice UK now fund it. This organization holds the annual Dying Matters Awareness Week in May, with events across England, Wales and Scotland. Dying Matters pivoted to online events in 2020.
Awareness Week offers an opportunity to place the importance of talking about dying, death and bereavement firmly on the national agenda. Events held pre-pandemic included speakers and panel discussions, death cafes, theatre performances, field trips to anatomy labs, funeral homes, and related places, grief resources, art shows, and more. They offer an open-source approach to listing events by anyone on any issue that could be considered relevant.
October 30 Create a Great Funeral Day
In 1999, Stephanie West Allen registered Create a Great Funeral Day on the media’s go-to source for uncommon holidays, Chase’s Calendar of Events. The idea behind the day is to encourage people to make their own funeral plans and share them with their loved ones. That way, not if but when death occurs, there’s no doubt or confusion about what to do to celebrate that person’s life.
Here’s a link to a short video interview with Stephanie West Allen about Create a Funeral Day.
While it’s not a death discussion movement, Create a Great Funeral Day provides an opportunity to send a letter to the editor of your local news outlets to promote the conversation. Remember, just as talking about sex won’t make you pregnant, talking about funerals and end-of-life issues won’t make you dead.
A great website