(Randee is a coordinator in the Exit Guide Program and also a board member for Final Exit Network, and Jim is vice president/board member for the Funeral Consumers Alliance of Western Massachusetts.)
- If I had only known …
- I just didn’t know where to turn …
- Where do I begin …
- Who can I trust …
These thoughts often race through our minds whenever we’re confronted with an emergency. Our life experiences tell us that once we center ourselves and breathe, we can then begin to calmly prioritize what we need to do first. We can then go to the information resources we need to implement a plan of action then reach to trusted friends and family for ongoing support.
We know to call 911 with sudden medical, fire, or safety emergencies. It’s become ingrained in our psyches from any film or television program we’ve ever seen, or in any of the pre-recorded answering messages we get whenever we call our doctors to set up an appointment.
We also know that it’s best to prevent emergencies from happening in the first place. For example, we try to eat well, exercise, keep clutter at bay, store flammable materials away from heat sources, and turn off our phones while driving. We also know to shop around to get an idea of what things cost and where to get fair value for our dollars. We know how to do this.
However, when it comes to thinking about final arrangements, our brains just shut down. We can’t allow ourselves to think about death, even though – along with taxes – it’s the one sure thing that will happen to all of us. Perhaps it’s in our nature to be optimistic and look forward to spending time with friends and family. We cherish them and are not willing to accept that we will lose them, or they, us, someday.
Let’s be clear – thinking about how we might want to be handled once we die won’t make it happen any sooner. However, knowing where we can go to learn about what options are available will make the process a lot less mysterious. Furthermore, it will help reduce the stress for ourselves and those we leave behind when the time does arrive. Avoiding the subject won’t keep it from happening.
The Funeral Consumers Alliance (FCA) is that place you can turn to. FCA chapters are nonsectarian, nonprofit, educational organizations. They were first started in the late 1930s (known then as Memorial Societies) because of two influences: the depression and the increasing cost of funerals due to the use of embalming and more elaborate, manufactured caskets.
There are local FCA chapters in almost every state whose mission is to preserve, protect, and defend consumer rights in finding meaningful, dignified, and affordable final arrangements. These local FCAs provide a wealth of unbiased information. They do this through their websites, through printed materials, and a public speakers bureau available to community gatherings such as clubs, civic organizations, and councils on aging.
Through your local FCA, you can learn about your rights when shopping for a funeral. Chief among these is your right to receive a General Price List (GPL) for the services provided, and you must be given the price of all services you select in writing before you sign a contract. You can request a GPL in person or be given the prices over the phone without obligation. Because prices vary widely, the Funeral Consumers Alliance encourages price comparison between different providers within and outside of your local area.
Many FCAs publish a price comparison listing on their websites of funeral homes for basic services, such as immediate burial and direct cremation. This can be a great resource for consumers to get an idea of what to expect when shopping for services without leaving home. The Funeral Consumers Alliance is among many consumer groups lobbying the Federal Trade Commission to require all funeral homes to publish their price lists online. At this time, it is not a requirement.
One of the best ways to prepare for shopping is to think about what you want, and learn about your options. Religious orientation or adherence to traditional rituals may dictate some of your choices. If this is your path, comparison shopping can still help in your selection process.
New traditions and options are evolving in death care, and the Funeral Consumers Alliance is a great resource for learning about all of these, including “green burial,” “natural organic reduction,” traditional cremation, alkaline hydrolysis, and burial at sea. Some services are not yet available in all states. Your local FCA chapter is a valuable resource in learning about these options and their availability.
Also, keep in mind that in many states, home funerals are permitted and that contracting with a funeral home may not be required. This can be an additional means of reducing costs for the family. Local FCAs have information on your state’s rules.
We’ve all seen commercials lately for pre-payment funeral plans. They mimic the ones for pre-paid car-repair insurance. A wise consumer knows that if there is a glossy TV commercial replayed over and over, someone is making money – and someone else is paying for it.
The Funeral Consumers Alliance highly recommends pre-planning your funeral arrangements – but we do not recommend pre-paying. Pre-planning can help you and your family set guidelines on what you want and prepare you for purchasing only those options you desire.
We have concerns about pre-payment. We recommend reviewing funeral insurance or pre-payment contracts very carefully. Are funds guaranteed and held by a trustee? Are funds held by a particular funeral home? Are funds inflation protected? Are funds transferable? Does the contract explicitly state limits on increases? Are there specific limits of coverage?
If it is at all possible, FCAs recommend keeping the money outside of pre-payment contracts in an account controlled by you so that is it readily accessible by you or your caretakers when needed.
Finally, we recommend having an open and frank discussion with your friends and/or family on what you or they want for their final arrangements. Write it down and put it in a place where it can be easily found when needed.
Also, note where the funds can be accessed. Putting final-arrangement wishes in a will is not a good idea. It needs to be readily accessible and known to those who will be following through with your plans.
As a former trustee of Funeral Consumers Alliance of Western Massachusetts, I (Randee) have experienced guiding families through the sometimes complicated and confusing process both in my state and across the U.S. It is such a relief when these families have the assistance of FCA in their most vulnerable time.
We invite you to visit your state’s local FCA website to learn many other money-saving tips, and explore your consumer rights when shopping for funeral services. You can find your local chapter through the national Funeral Consumers Alliance website. https://funerals.org/.
That was REALLY well written. And thanks for this important information!
Such important information! I’m surprised the Chicago area no longer has an FCA presence. Only FCA group is downstate in Champaign. Many thanks!
Outsourcing our funerals entirely to profit-oriented companies has proven to be a costly and stressful mistake for many people. These companies have monetized our deaths and reduced our options to provide a personally meaningful memorial to our diseased loved ones. The Funeral Consumers Alliance is a great resource for regaining some choice and control over our funerals.
Randee and Jim constitute a rare source of valuable information and guidance on death and dying, and I sincerely thank them. I was not aware of FCA, nor most of the
information they shared. It is extremely comforting to know we are not alone in our concerns about end-of-life issues, and because of organizations like F.E.N., that knowledge and support are greatly increasing. My sincere appreciation to all of you. Be assured even though I am not anxious to die, neither do I fear it. I liken it somewhat to another adventure in my adventure-filled life, perhaps like when I was born. I am sure I was all warm and cozy in my mother’s womb, and I probably resisted leaving it. Sure am glad my efforts failed, and that I did leave it! Now let’s see what comes next.
This is such a helpful blog, full of good information for all of us — all 50 states. Thanks to Randee and Jim, both. This is a keeper. And thanks to their links, I can now print the newsletter of the corresponding organization in my state. I’m grateful.
Since I don’t want a funeral, I was just skimming this. But then I actually read it when I saw that FCAs do have information on green burial and natural organic reduction. I’m donating my brain to the University of Miami Brain Bank, and my body to ScienceCare, but before I knew of those, I always said I wanted to be composted. I guess I’ll be contacting an Arizona FCA to see if composting is a back-up option anywhere in the state.