A Cultural Journey: From India to FEN

(Dr. Lalit Gupta, MD is a Psychiatry Specialist in Rochester, MN. Trained at at the Mayo Clinic, Dr. Gupta is board certified in Psychiatry and has been practicing medicine for over 42 years in India and the United States.)

In 1997, I arrived in New York from India. I was 41 years old. I had never touched a computer and had a fuzzy idea that “somewhere out there” was an entity called the Internet.

One day, I walked into the local branch of the New York Public Library. It was about to change every cherished belief of mine.

India

Born into a Hindu family, I had an unshakable belief in God. The milieu was replete with gods, goddesses, and demons. Holy men, thousands of them, who claimed to be mouthpieces of the Almighty, were found under every rock. Reincarnation, which involved passing through myriads of plant and animal forms until one achieved the rare boon of being born human, was accepted without doubt.

I totally accepted the “law of karma.” Thus, my present existence reflected the interplay of good and bad deeds incurred over millions of lifetimes. If I was born blind or became blind, then perhaps in a previous birth millennia ago, I had blinded a dog in cruel jest.

The purpose and success of this life depended on my finding the true path and the perfect master or Holy man who would free me from this endless cycle of life and death, and reunite my soul with God. How could that not make perfect sense?

Rarely, was any major life decision made, or event planned, without consulting an astrologer and horoscopes. Could all that be a hoax? Of course not.

Suicide was a deadly sin and an act of cowardice. It was a crime, and the survivors of suicide were hassled by the police until a suitable bribe changed hands to “make the case go away.” (Only in 2017 did the Indian Parliament decriminalize suicide.)

Any mention of death was usually met with a quick change of subject to something more pleasant. The belief held sway that talking about it would just hasten a visit from the angel of death. Why tempt fate?

Personal autonomy and choice to make medical, or life and death decisions? Forget about it.  One had to listen to one’s family, friends, and next-door neighbors. How could you be so selfish as to want to make your own choices?

Schooling, college, medical school, and a residency in psychiatry followed each other. Then, service for almost ten years as a physician in the Indian Armed Forces with postings to different locations in India.

In India, books were very expensive. There was no public library system comparable to the superb one that exists here. Tiny, one room, “lending libraries” rented out the latest fiction best sellers. Other than books needed for study, I rarely read non-fiction literature, which was very hard to obtain anyway (recall, this was before the Internet).

United States

With that background digression, we return to 1997 and the New York Public Library.

I discovered the non-fiction works of Isaac Asimov and Arthur C. Clarke, where they explained the scientific method and took me on a journey through physics, chemistry, biology, and the universe. Why, oh why, did I not have teachers like them?

My religious beliefs looked on in dismay, as it were, when I read Richard Dawkins, James Randi, Sam Harris, Carl Sagan, Christopher Hitchens, and so many others. I eagerly perused the Skeptic, and The Skeptical Inquirer magazines. Giving up long held religious beliefs was anxiety-provoking and depressing. But how could I unlearn what I had read from the authors mentioned?

In order to remain in the USA and practice as a psychiatrist, I had to repeat a four-year residency. I was fortunate to do that at the Mayo Clinic, where I was exposed to the finest doctors and the latest in medical technology and procedures.

I was amazed how life could be prolonged with multiple surgeries, toxic chemotherapy, antibiotics, and tube feeding. Quality of life, pain, cost, and suffering? Rarely discussed. I kept saying to myself, “There must be a better way. But what?”

After residency, for the next 15 years, it was full time work as a psychiatrist at various clinics in the Midwest, and I rarely thought about end-of-life issues.

In 2018, I read an article about famous people who had killed themselves. In the article’s references, the Hemlock Society was mentioned. Curious, I visited Wikipedia and fortuitously landed on the Final Exit Network article. As I read on, there was a sense of relief that I had found what I was seeking. I became a member and was delighted that a conference was imminent in Henderson, NV.

At the conference, as I met the attendees and listened to the presentations, I wished it had not taken me so long to find this group. It had been a long, meandering journey across two continents. I am very fortunate now to be here among such sterling colleagues in the Final Exit Network.

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Final Exit Network (FEN) is a network of dedicated professionals and caring, trained volunteers
who support mentally competent adults as they navigate their end-of-life journey.
Established in 2004, FEN seeks to educate qualified individuals in practical,
peaceful ways to end their lives, offer a compassionate bedside presence and defend
a person’s right to choose. For more information, go to www.finalexitnetwork.org.

Payments and donations are tax deductible to the full extent allowed by law.
Final Exit Network is a 501(c)3 nonprofit organization.