(Susan Hannifin-MacNab, MSW, is a social worker, educator, and author who founded A2Z Healing Toolbox® after the sudden death of her young husband. She facilitates conference workshops, professional development trainings, psycho-educational healing retreats and keynote presentations internationally. Susan’s five-time award winning book, A to Z Healing Toolbox: A Practical Guide for Navigating Grief and Trauma with Intention, is used by mental health practitioners and bereaved communities world-wide. She also serves as the Programs and Education Manager for Soaring Spirits International, a non-profit organization that provides programming, support, and hope to the global widowed community.)
Life has a way of shifting things, wouldn’t you say?
Sometimes the shifts are tiny; sometimes they are monumental. Sometimes the shifts are slight adjustments; sometimes they alter the course of life. Sometimes the shifts allow for easy subtle growth; sometimes they propel one to take immediate action.
My own monumental life shift occurred when I was forty-one years old. I was a wife.
Until my husband went out for a Sunday drive and didn’t show up for dinner. Until he didn’t show up for breakfast. Until police and investigators were involved and he was declared a missing person. Until the search began. Until weeks went by and his vehicle was discovered. Until his body was recovered in the wreckage. Until he never returned home.
Suddenly I was a 41-year-old widow raising a 5-year-old child.
What did I know about death? Nothing, it turned out. My friends, siblings, and colleagues were all still alive. My parents were active and healthy. My grandparents lived into their 90s. I came to the death, grief, and rebuilding party completely unprepared. No will. No discussion. No resources. No end-of-life planning.
The day I became a widow was the day I began my desperate attempt to crawl toward any sliver of light after my life shattered into a million pieces.
But it doesn’t have to be this way.
End-of-life planning can (and should) be spoken about with young people. And end-of-life planning can (and should) include death’s impact on family survivors. We can prepare loved ones for our death, whether sudden or anticipated, with tools and resources so they know what to do and where to go for support, hope, and community as they learn to navigate life without us.
One such resource for the widowed community is Soaring Spirits International. For fourteen years this non-profit organization has been a beacon of light for surviving spouses and life partners struggling to live with the death of their loved one.
Soaring Spirits provides connection, education, healing, and hope. It is an inclusive, secular organization and any widowed person regardless of age, gender, nationality, sexual orientation, or religious affiliation is welcome to attend any Soaring Spirits program. When my husband died, this organization literally saved my life.
Now, I proudly serve as the Programs and Education Manager for Soaring Spirits International and, along with our tiny but mighty widowed staff, facilitate a variety of peer-to-peer programs for survivors of death by accident, illness, suicide, homicide, addiction, war, terrorist attack, natural disaster, serious medical condition, and occupational duty.
We scoop up and offer community to survivors, many of whom did not take part in end-of-life family planning. Then we provide them (mostly free) programs and resources to help connect with each other for mutual support and rebuilding their lives:
- Newly Widowed Packet: Containing a checklist of items that you can use to guide yourself through some of the important financial aspects as well as information on our programs and notes from other people who have been widowed, Newly Widowed Packets are mailed free of charge.
- Widow’s Voice Blog: Soaring Spirits houses the largest blog library specific to the widowed experience. We have seven writers, each posting on a specific day of the week, which offers a diverse view of the various aspects we deal with as widowed people.
- Widowed Village Online Forum: We host an online forum full of message boards that cover the widowed experience. There’s an application process to join Widowed Village (we verify every single person that is given access) so that we can ensure that it is a safe space for everyone who posts.
- Widowed Pen-Pal: We would be happy to set you up with a pen-pal for you to connect with over email. Our program is set up to offer suggestions of people you might connect with based on specific aspects of your loss, and many of our pen pals have remained friends for many years.
- Soaring Spirits Facebook Page: You’re always welcome to follow our Facebook page where you can connect with others who have lost a spouse or partner.
- Camp Widow® Events: Three times a year, we offer an in-person, weekend-long conference which provides people the opportunity to connect face-to-face with other widowed people. Camp Widow is typically held in Tampa, FL in March, San Diego, CA in July, and Toronto, Canada in November. Through workshops, evening events, and various opportunities to connect with one another, the weekend is full of support, friendship, and community. Please note that Camp Widow is the only program we offer that comes with a fee.
- Regional Group Meetups: We have a number of regional groups across North America (and in Ireland) that meet twice per month, helping you to connect with other widowed folks in your area.
- Additional Online Resources:
- Soaring Spirits Document Center
- Video Library created by widowed community members to promote comfort and peace
- Book Library by widowed authors
Thank you for including the survivors in YOUR end-of-life plan.
Final Exit Network (FEN) is a network of dedicated professionals and caring, trained volunteers
who support mentally competent adults as they navigate their end-of-life journey.
Established in 2004, FEN seeks to educate qualified individuals in practical,
peaceful ways to end their lives, offer a compassionate bedside presence and defend
a person’s right to choose. For more information, go to www.finalexitnetwork.org.
Payments and donations are tax deductible to the full extent allowed by law.
Final Exit Network is a 501(c)3 nonprofit organization.
I fully support your statement that “end-of-life planning can (and should) include death’s impact on family survivors.” A good death includes consideration of how it will effect others.