Thoughts On A “Good Death”

(Steve Gurney received a Bachelors Degree in Business Administration from Old Dominion University and a Masters Degree from the Erickson School of Aging Studies at University of Maryland Baltimore County (UMBC). He has served as an adjunct professor at Erickson School of Aging Studies at University of Maryland Baltimore County (UMBC), instructing in the undergraduate and graduate programs. Steve founded Positive Aging Community in 1990.)

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(EDITOR’S NOTE: The links below will take quite a while to load due to the extent of content in them, but they’re well worth the wait!)

Over the past three years I have hosted nearly 350 live and interactive discussions/podcasts on a wide variety of topics related to aging and longevity. Many of these discussions spotlight specific topics or thought-leaders related to end of life topics and advance planning. Because I host these discussions, I have the privilege to learn and hear all of these interesting perspectives, along with all the questions and comments that our community members have, on the topics of death and dying. Here are a few insights I have gleaned from these discussions:

• Defining a “Good  Death” — I have found that this is the most important step that is often overlooked by most of us because we are afraid to talk or even think about dying. The most important element is figuring out what type of end of life experience you would like. It’s ideal to get feedback from your friends, family and medical professionals, but make sure that you define your vision of a good death.
• Talking About Death — It’s difficult for most of us to talk about death, but just like exercising, the more you do it the easier it gets. I have found my personal conversations around death to be some of the most interesting and thought-provoking discussions. I am thrilled that the concept of Death Cafes are growing; these are groups that engage in the discussion of death with no agenda, objectives or themes.
• Solo Aging — This is our most popular discussion topic and it is one that seems to stimulate empowered conversations on a variety of topics, including death and dying and planning in advance. While discussions around advance directives and estate planning are critical and important, I have discovered that couples seem to respond better to a dialogue around the high probability that one will outlive the other, and what the practical living activities could be like for each of them if they are solo.
• Grieving — I have heard hundreds of stories of loss and have featured dozens of authors and experts on the topic of grief. It’s abundantly clear that the way each of us grieve after a loss is as unique as our fingerprints. However, reaching out to our networks, connecting with support groups, and researching the topic of grief are wonderful ways to recognize that we are not alone and may help you discover ideas that might help you and your loved ones.

I have been in the field of “aging” for over 33 years and I am encouraged that there are more resources and open conversations on all topics, including death and dying. The primary challenge is for us to have the courage to have conversations and research information on these topics, some of which are challenging and difficult.

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Final Exit Network (FEN) is a network of dedicated professionals and caring, trained volunteers who support mentally competent adults as they navigate their end-of-life journey. Established in 2004, FEN seeks to educate qualified individuals in practical, peaceful ways to end their lives, offer a compassionate bedside presence and defend a person’s right to choose. For more information, go to www.finalexitnetwork.org.

Payments and donations are tax deductible to the full extent allowed by law. Final Exit Network is a 501(c)3 nonprofit organization.