(Jim Van Buskirk is a former librarian and currently works as a book group facilitator, writer, editor, public speaker, exhibit curator, and collections manager. He has been co-hosting Death Cafes since 2015, and volunteers as a Regional Coordinator for Final Exit Network.)
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Over six years ago an acquaintance asked me to be present at her exit. Knowing nothing about Final Exit Network (FEN), I was so impressed with the experience that I immediately joined as a lifetime member, wrote an essay which appeared in FEN’s quarterly magazine, and soon thereafter was invited to volunteer as a Regional Coordinator. Since then I have heard many heart-wrenching stories – from callers, clients’ family members, and colleagues. The most frequent phrases I hear are, “I wish I’d known about your organization when…” and “Thank you for the information and support you offer. I might never need to use your services, but you’ve brought me great peace of mind just knowing you’re there.” Amongst colleagues, we often acknowledge, “Just when I thought I’d seen or heard everything!”
Hearing FEN President Brian Ruder and Jay Niver (former magazine editor) emphasize the importance of personal stories to help explain who FEN is and what FEN does, I began paying closer attention to articles as they appeared in the magazine – inspiring stories of grace and gratitude, as well as the occasional cautionary tale. It occurred to me that a collection of these pieces might be a valuable resource for the organization and its constituents.
As a writer and a librarian, I envisioned a physical book – one that could be made available in libraries and bookstores, at public programs, passed among friends and family members – to commemorate, celebrate, and explain FEN’s unique role in the right-to-die movement.
In a fit of inspiration, I went through back issues, made a list of possible inclusions, and drafted a description of what would be titled There at the End: Voices from Final Exit Network. When I realized that 2024 marked the 20th anniversary of FEN’s founding, the timing seemed ideal. Over the course of the next year, I continued to remind Brian of the project until eventually the proposal was approved.
Having co-edited two anthologies and contributed to many more, I felt I had the skills to compile the book, and a dedicated team was brought on board to manage the project. We are honored to include original reminiscences from pioneers Derek Humphry, Faye Girsh, and Myriam Coppens. However, this is not a history of FEN, nor an articulation of policies, procedures, or polemics. It is personal voices telling their stories – offering a never-before-seen portrait of FEN’s committed and compassionate volunteers as well as their grateful clientele.
Having hosted many Death Cafés, where resources are shared among attendees, and having participated in programs and on panels (as part of FEN’s speakers bureau) on end-of-life issues, I envision this small book as an additional emissary to educate family, friends, and physicians on the important role Final Exit Network plays in end-of-life options. “Look at this book and let’s talk,” I imagine people saying. Or, “Read the story on page (X) and know that’s what I envision for myself.”
I am constantly surprised, and sometimes dismayed, at the lack of information or the wealth of misinformation about options, even among professionals in the field. Every FEN member and volunteer is an ambassador, and soon There at the End will also ensure that FEN’s compassionate support services come from the shadows into the sunlight.
The heart of the book is the voices of the participants in FEN’s Exit Guide Program – clients and/or their friends and family, as well as FEN’s many volunteers: Regional Coordinators, Interviewers, members of the Medical Review Committee, and Senior or Associate Exit Guides.
Together, these nearly four-dozen short essays, in little over 100 pages, create a tapestry shedding light on how and why we do what we do – sometimes motivated by a personal experience, often not; about the relationships formed during the process, and the accompanying heart, humanity, and often humor.
“A Single Malt Celebration of Life and Death” describes the poignant role played by a small glass of Scotch whiskey. In “It’s All Divine,” one client’s final few moments are revealed: “The time had come. We guided this beautiful and wise old woman onto her bed. As I looked at her, very present, limited only by her body, I saw her relief and happiness at finishing her life on her own terms. Spontaneously, she began reciting poetry – her own, she revealed shyly. As I held her hand, or more precisely allowed her to hold mine, I realized what an honor it was to be in this position. Whatever gift I might have thought I was giving, I was receiving multifold. A few minutes later she was gone, peacefully and painlessly.”
Senior Guide Brian Ruder describes another memorable exit: “What a gift it was to witness such peace and equanimity that was rooted in a greater sense of community and spirit, with the dignity and courage to approach death with ceremony and confidence – heartfelt, natural, and relaxed. It made us realize the importance of what we do and how fortunate we are to be able to do it.”
In her contribution, Exit Guide Program Director Lowrey Brown offers a personal argument against the idea of a so-called “natural death”: “Let us also dispense with any romantic notion of a natural death. We have always done everything in our power to wrestle death from the hands of nature. I had severe pneumonia as a newborn and was in an oxygen tent for days. That would have been my natural death. I took another stab at it in my twenties with a climbing accident that, without medical intervention, would have finished me.”
This poetic passage from the anthology’s foreword captures its intent: “The beauty of this book is that it is more than just a reflection on the past. It is an ode to a vision of the future. As we celebrate our 20th anniversary, we do so with a renewed sense of purpose, eagerly anticipating the opportunities and challenges that lie ahead. This anniversary is not the culmination of our journey but a stepping stone to new horizons where working toward death with dignity for all continues to be our guiding star.”
(EDITOR’S NOTE: To purchase the book directly for $15, click here, or go to the FEN website and click on the link provided. All proceeds from the book will directly impact FEN’s mission: to educate qualified individuals in practical, peaceful ways to end their lives, offer a compassionate bedside presence, and defend their right to choose.
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Final Exit Network (FEN) is a network of dedicated professionals and caring, trained volunteers who support mentally competent adults as they navigate their end-of-life journey. Established in 2004, FEN seeks to educate qualified individuals in practical, peaceful ways to end their lives, offer a compassionate bedside presence and defend a person’s right to choose. For more information, go to www.finalexitnetwork.org.
Payments and donations are tax deductible to the full extent allowed by law. Final Exit Network is a 501(c)3 nonprofit organization.
Lovely. Perfect. Instructive. Comforting. Inspirational. Necessary. Thank You. Happy Anniversary.