(Chris Palmer is an author, speaker, wildlife filmmaker, conservationist, educator, professor, and grandfather. He now devotes his life to end-of-life activism. Bloomsbury published his 10th book, Achieving a Good Death: A Practical Guide to the End of Life, in October 2024. He is a trained hospice volunteer and founded and runs an aging, death, and dying group for the Bethesda Metro Area Village. He serves on several nonprofit boards, including Final Exit Network and Hemlock Society of San Diego. He frequently gives presentations and workshops to community groups on aging, death, and dying issues.)
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Author Margareta Magnusson introduced the concept of “death cleaning” to a large audience in her 2018 book The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning. Magnusson argues that we should have the foresight and generosity to reduce our possessions before we die, sparing our loved ones the burden of sorting through a cluttered home.
I wholeheartedly agree with her premise: leaving an overwhelming collection of possessions for our families to manage is inconsiderate. It’s crucial not to impose this emotional and logistical burden on those who survive us.
Far too many of us accumulate belongings at an alarming rate, often without recognizing the need to downsize as we approach the later stages of life. Many people remain oblivious to the importance of clearing out their homes, which only grows more necessary and more difficult with age.
Death cleaning is, ultimately, a gift to our survivors. Each item we discard or organize is one less thing our loved ones have to deal with after we die. A decluttered and organized home allows those we leave behind to focus on mourning our loss, not on the stress and frustration of managing our belongings. Instead of feeling overwhelmed, angry, or resentful, they can reflect on their memories and how much we meant to them.
The Hidden Costs of Clutter
Clutter has a more significant impact on our lives than we often realize. It contributes to feelings of stress, anxiety, and even resentment. It can damage our relationships, harm our health, and diminish our overall enjoyment of life. The way we manage our space affects how we feel in it. When our homes are filled with excess possessions, they cease to be places of comfort, joy, or relaxation.
So why do so few of us embrace death cleaning? Many claim they don’t have the time or that it feels overwhelming and tedious. Others see it as a low priority, believing they have more important things to do.
Taking Control: Small Steps Toward a Greater Goal
As we age, we must change our relationship with “stuff.” We should stop acquiring unnecessary things, adopt a policy of discarding one or more items for every new item brought into our homes, and immediately eliminate obvious clutter — old magazines, batteries, and broken items. Death cleaning should be something we undertake while we still have the energy to do it.
A friend shared her frustration when her aging mother moved to a smaller apartment, leaving behind a house full of belongings for her to clear out. “How could my mother impose on me months of tedious, boring work that she should have done herself?” she lamented.
Author Steven Petrow experienced this firsthand. In his book Stupid Things I Won’t Do When I Get Old, he recalls how he and his siblings faced the monumental task of clearing out two homes packed with a lifetime of accumulated possessions after his parents’ deaths. Not only had they failed to declutter, but they had continued adding to their collection even in their final years.
Margaret Engel, an author and playwright, has noted that daughters, more often than not, are left to manage the process of emptying homes when parents enter care or die. It’s rare for sons to step up in these situations, often leading to resentment between siblings. Thankfully, professional services have emerged to help families downsize and declutter, with costs —around $5,000 per house — usually shared among siblings. This reduces the burden that typically falls on daughters.
Considerate Planning for a Peaceful Transition
My friend Dave Nathan offers a contrasting experience. His mother took to death cleaning naturally, often saying, “I’m putting my house in dying condition.” By the time she died, her house was clutter-free, and her belongings were organized with instructions on who would receive what. As a result, her three sons were spared a laborious task, and there was no resentment or dispute. “Parceling out items in advance,” Nathan said, “not only saves time and effort, but also prevents conflicts during a sensitive time.”
Death cleaning is an act of kindness and generosity, ensuring that we leave our homes — attics, garages, basements, closets — organized or cleared out. It prevents the strain of sorting through years of possessions from falling on grieving loved ones.
The Death Cleaning Process: Purge and Organize
The fundamental process of death cleaning is simple: purge first, then organize. Many people make the mistake of trying to organize their belongings before purging, but this only complicates matters. Instead, follow the advice of tidying expert Marie Kondo: Discard items that no longer bring joy.
The sheer volume of possessions we accumulate can be overwhelming, often leading to procrastination. But death cleaning doesn’t have to be completed all at once. Break it down into manageable tasks over time. Perhaps start with the garage, then move to clothes, followed by books, and so on. Small, steady progress will transform the home without creating unnecessary stress.
A Thoughtful Legacy
Death cleaning is not just about eliminating clutter: It’s about leaving a legacy of thoughtfulness and care. It ensures that our survivors are not left with a chaotic mess and that we can approach the end of life with peace of mind, knowing we’ve lightened their burden. In many ways, death cleaning helps us die well, free of the regret that comes from leaving things undone.
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Final Exit Network (FEN) is a network of dedicated professionals and caring, trained volunteers who support mentally competent adults as they navigate their end-of-life journey. Established in 2004, FEN seeks to educate qualified individuals in practical, peaceful ways to end their lives, offer a compassionate bedside presence and defend a person’s right to choose. For more information, go to www.finalexitnetwork.org.
Payments and donations are tax deductible to the full extent allowed by law. Final Exit Network is a 501(c)3 nonprofit organization.
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I have had a great time with this process over the last year+. I decided that for the items most important to me, I wanted to be in the room when the person I wanted to have it received it. This has made for some great moments. I also wanted to get a read on which of my “treasures” my only child wanted…crickets as they say on that one. He lives hundreds of miles away so much of the furniture I have would not be worth the cost of moving. He did identify some things he wants – that I have been carrying with me for years – and he now knows exactly where I put those things when he gets in the mood to pick up. And on my refrigerator are two sheets of paper – our town dump hours and “rules and regs” and information about a great local organization I wish I knew about when we were clearing out my parents’ home. Journey Home. I am sure most areas have an organization like this, but they take furniture and household goods as they transition people from being unhoused to housed. I have made one drop there and was totally and completely moved by their spirit and mission. So for me personally, it has been a rewarding process to clear space in my apartment and in my mind as to “stuff”. Thank you bringing this to mind.
At 74 and with three ER visits over the past few months I get the sense that I have to walk the talk (-:). What a gift to give my spouse, my son, my daughter-in-law – organized affairs and less clutter. Thank you Chris.