Dr. Marlaine Figueroa Gray advocates for a new, compassionate language around death, emphasizing the importance of legacy, personhood, and meaningful connections in the dying process.
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“Nature is an access point for everyone, of any age, to contemplate and understand the rhythmic ebb and flow of seasons, growth, change, transformation, life, and death.”
“If we are trying to design a ‘good death’ we could well cause ourselves more suffering.” — Roshi Joan Halifax
“’Life is really very simple. But — it’s difficult to realize that.” This is one of the last things my teacher said before he passed. A lesson for the living, spoken by the dying.”
Although many individuals shy away from contemplating the inevitability of death, most would agree that they would like to die well. A new review of existing literature, published in the American Journal of Geriatric Psychiatry, asks what makes a “good death” according to those involved in the process.
Decisions are often made unilaterally without necessarily considering what the one dying wants or needs. A respectful death involves truly listening to the dying and being open and honest with them and the family.
“The rest is up to you,” he finally said, ending the conversation for good. He didn’t have any more guidance, and certainly no more patience to talk about it. I was surprised. To me, it felt slightly irresponsible to leave all these decisions to other people.
I was amazed how life could be prolonged with multiple surgeries, toxic chemotherapy, antibiotics, and tube feeding. Quality of life, pain, cost, and suffering? Rarely discussed. I kept saying to myself, “There must be a better way. But what?”
Given the fact of our mortality, whether we want it or not, aren’t we all members of a Date with Death Club?
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