“Does the contract allow you to have access to your own doctors? What is the facility’s position on VSED? If you enter hospice, will they commit to providing adequate pain relief? If you live in a state with MAiD, will the facility cooperate?”
“To be ‘death positive’ doesn’t mean that you are happy about dying.”
“Whose wishes for his medical treatment were we to honor? Those of my father back when he was a healthy, highly functioning geneticist? Or those of the simpler, weakened man my father had become?”
“Your mother didn’t choose a terminal illness. She only chose not to let the disease pick when and how she would die.”
“We live in a culture that’s intensely driven by productivity, accomplishments, and academic achievements. In doing this, we’ve forgotten about our wise ones, the storytellers, the original wisdom keepers, the Elders.”
“The rest is up to you,” he finally said, ending the conversation for good. He didn’t have any more guidance, and certainly no more patience to talk about it. I was surprised. To me, it felt slightly irresponsible to leave all these decisions to other people.
VSED might not be for everyone, but it is the only chance for some to experience an end to unbearable suffering. Done with careful preparation, medical support, and compassionate caregiving, VSED offers a natural end to life.
In 2019, three community women asked to meet with me about a compelling community education concern. The spouses of these women had all struggled to use the VSED end-of-life option because our county’s only hospital, and associated hospice program, had religious affiliations and, therefore, was unable to support VSED.
After he died, Jean and her sister both looked at one other and said, “That’s how I’m going to die.”
